We celebrated National Coming Out Day last Friday, and it gave me a few things to think about. As we all know, this world is hard enough. The times we live in are more interconnected, more stressful and more difficult than they ever have been, and I do think that the current state of our world is adding to our rising rates of mental illness and suicide.
So, imagine being someone who so many in society say is wrong.
I’m a straight, white man. This comes with many societal advantages. And let me be clear, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be a sexual orientation that is different.
But numbers don’t lie: It’s a harder life. A quick look at the statistics:
- 28% of all LGBTQ youth said they felt depressed most of the time (in the past 30 days), compared to 12% of non-LGBTQ youth.
- When compared to non-LGBTQ youth, LGBTQ youth are:
- Twice as likely to feel suicidal.
- Four times as likely to attempt suicide.
- Over the course of their lifetime, 30-60% of LGBTQ people deal with depression – 1.5 – 2.5 times as straight individuals.
- These issues are largely impacted by perceived support and social stigma.
So, what can we do to help individuals who identify as LGBTQ? A few things. First, remember, all language counts. If you show bias towards one group, individuals are far more likely to perceive you as biased towards another. Don’t be that person who uses bias and then jumps in with, “But I have a gay friend!” Don’t show bias in your language. Don’t use derogatory terms to discuss anyone. Language counts. Language reinforces stigma and stereotypes. Use appropriate pronouns. Use language that is kind and respectful. And just…don’t be an ass.
Second: Show your support. You don’t know who is struggling or who is desperate for someone to talk to. One study which was bouncing its way around my Facebook feed showed that an LGBT individual who found a supportive adult could see their risk of suicide drop by 40%. Be that one person. And be so explicitly. Yeah, post something to your Facebook page about how you support LGBT people and you’re a safe person to come out to. Is it gonna get anyone to come out to you? Maybe. But, more importantly, someone who is LGBTQ will see it, and will appreciate it. They will know that you value them as a person. That you believe in their dignity and basic human rights.
Third: Support policies which humanize LGBTQ people. In most places in Pennsylvania, you can be fired or evicted for being gay. That’s madness, and laws matter: When gay marriage was equal in only some states, studies showed that LGBTQ people had better mental health and lower rates of addiction when they lived in states where gay marriage was legal. Again: PUBLIC POLICY MATTERS. It makes a difference! Support your LGBT friends by supporting candidates for office who support human dignity for all.
Others who are better versed in this subject have written about it, and I encourage you to read more about how to help millions of Americans feel loved and safe. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be a minority in America – particularly today, given that the President is a racist, xenophobic monster who stirs up hatred at anyone he can find. That being said, I remain convinced – now more than ever – that this is the moment to show our friends – all of our friends – the love and respect they deserve. Be that person. Be one of the people who tells our friends that they are loved. You may save a life.
Mike Schlossberg - Author 