The Coming Depression Onslaught

If this study is to be believed, we’re in trouble.

A study from Boston University conducted a major survey on adults and depression, using previous scores as a baseline measurement. The study used the PHQ-9 questionnaire, which is a nine-question screening method that can be used to determine if someone may be suffering from depression. A 2017-2018 study found that 8.5% of adults were suffering from depression. 

The results were horrifying: 27.8% of Americans are now clinically depressed, according to the results of the study. That is more than a tripling of depression rates. It is massive, it is significant, and it cannot be treated by the current state of our mental health system. 

The study, of course, attributed much of this rise to COVID-19 and the economic stressors placed on society by this disease. The study also found that people with less than $5,000 in savings 50% were more likely to be depressed, further showing the connection between economics, a social safety net, and mental health.

I have a couple of broader thoughts – first, on the general situation, and second, what this study shows us.

First, I think it’s important to keep in mind that this is catastrophically bad but not as bad as it appears! Yes, I said that. First, the good news. This will abate as the pandemic abates and economic damage mitigates. That will happen. It will take time, but I don’t think this represents a fundamental shift in our moods or economic status for the majority of people who took this study.

The bad news? Let’s say this only permanently affects 5% of America. Uhh…that’s tens of millions of people. That is fundamentally, catastrophically terrible. We could be staring down the barrel of millions of people who will never recover without assistance that we cannot hope to provide. Before this crisis, we were looking at a major shortage of mental health workers. There is no way our system has the capacity to deal with all of the people who will need help. 

About two months ago, I attended a hearing on mental illness and the COVID-19 pandemic. One of the things I asked some of our panelists was whether or not there had been an increase in suicides. The answer: Not yet. Emphasis on yet. They were worried that, as the economic toll continues, you’d have a lot of people who would be more likely to die by suicide. This study furthers my concern there.

What can we do? Well, if you believe that economics and mental health are connected – and I do – that means we need to support people in their times of need and provide generous economic supports to get them through this crisis. That means working to prevent evictions and foreclosures. To extend unemployment assistance. To throw money at small businesses in order to keep them open.

This is a catastrophe in the making, but it doesn’t have to be this way. A strong government can stop the economic damage and can abate this crisis, and I don’t think it’s too late. But that’s what we need to get us through the physical, economic, and mental health disaster that we are currently experiencing. 

Three symptoms of depression you may not be aware of

Depression, when you have it, can be all-consuming. I mean, all consuming. It seems to devour your life like a monster, changing your life in countless ways that you may never have anticipated. Indeed, this is one of the greatest problems with depression – it completely changes everything you knew and loved.

Most people are familiar with the basic symptoms of depression – sadness, apathy, fatigue, etc. However, you what you may not be familiar with is the other, more random symptoms of depression that can be just as problematic as the more basic ones.

To that end, here’s a look at three symptoms of depression that you may never have heard of.

Lowered memory function

There is a reason the term “depression fog” means so much to so many. When you are depressed – when you are really in it – your entire brain can feel like it is no longer functioning. As it turns out, this is more than just a perception – it’s very, very real.

Depression can cause memory loss. This has been backed up by multiple studies that show that people with depression have trouble with their short-term memory. It is also possible that certain forms of treatment for therapy – like electroconvulsive therapy or certain medications – can cause memory loss. It’s always worth checking out if you suspect it to be something else, but yes, depression can hurt your ability to store and recall things.

What can you do about it? Chalk it off. I remember being a kid and having major depressive or anxiety episodes. In my mind, I would say, “It’s a day,” and try to move on. Don’t kick yourself over it. It isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It is a symptom of your disorder. If you treat your depression, your memory loss will fade.

Appetite changes

Here’s another very random one: When you are depressed, your appetite changes. This isn’t as random as you might think – indeed, it’s so common that unexplained weight gain or loss is actually one of the symptoms that can lead to a diagnosis of depression.

Why is this the case? If you eat less, it can be a reflection of a lack of energy or interest. If you eat more, it can be because of emotional eating – you feel emotions that make you miserable and cause you to overeat.

Ironically, and sadly, this is a huge problem. Both overeating or undereating can cause depression to get worse. That’s why appropriate diet when you are depressed is so vitally important.

And, as an aside: This is so me. I stop eating when depressed.

Irritability

So, this is a bad of a random one, and sometimes it may not make sense. It seems to strike more in men, as research shows that men are more likely to be irritable and angry when depressed. Symptoms like these, along with hostility, are more likely to appear in men, and to serve as a mask for depression.

Why is this the case? I can think of a bunch of reasons…but many come down to cultural and familial. In many cases, the way someone is raised will alter the expression of their depression, and depression can easily display itself as irritability or anger. As such, if you know someone who is more irritable than usual lately, it’s absolutely worth checking in on them.

It’s worth noting that, sometimes, these symptoms may appear before other, more severe ones. There have been times I’ve lost my appetite, not been sure why, then realized that my depression was back and it was pissed. Something I actually just read while doing this blog entry: Appetite changes can be an early warning sign of a relapse. That has certainly been the case for me.

Broadly speaking, one of the biggest challenges with mental health is that it is so hard to get any sort of standardization. What works for some may work catastrophically badly for others, and what is a clear cut symptom for one person may not be as clear for someone else.

As always, if you are worried about your own mental health, seek help as soon as you can – the sooner the better. Thankfully, the vast majority of people respond well to mental illness. If this is you, seek help today.

As always, I turn it over to you. What random depression challenges have you had that you never would have believed? Let us know in the comments!

How Can You Forget?

So, as I wrote about a couple weeks ago, I have developed a fun case of tinnitus. It is not fun. I’m still hoping it goes away on its own, which it might – it comes and goes – but a huge part of tinnitus really seems to be psychological. The good news is that tinnitus is insanely common and that even if it is chronic, a full 98% of people eventually habituate. Habituate occurs when someone gets so used to something that they no longer even notice it.

And that leads me to today’s entry.

Look, this whole thing sucks. I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually – many famous and successful people have – but it has made me think about a broader problem: How can you try to forget something?

The truth – I think – is that you can’t. You can’t actively forget something. And that is a statement that has major impacts on someone’s mental health. If you lose someone, experience a trauma, or have an event occur you’d prefer to forget, you can’t. Just like I can’t forget this damn tone in my left ear.

Memory is quite a pain in the ass if you ask me. There are no filters on it. There’s no recycle bin. You just…have to figure out how to cope.

So, how can you forget, when you can’t forget? A few thoughts.

First, I think one of the best things you can do is accepting that something occurred. In my case, there’s no cure for tinnitus, although there is ample evidence that therapy and time can help alter your perception. That being said, to some extent, this annoyance may always be with me. But if I fight against that, I stir up more feelings of pain, guilt, and more. The same may apply to you and your situation. I’ve read people say that they realized that they had to accept their tinnitus and embrace it – turn into it – not try to run away from it or muffle it with noise. I’ve come to appreciate that perspective.

However, that brings me to my second point. Accepting that something will always be with you – be it the memory of an assault or the ringing in your ear – does not mean that you are accepting a lifetime of pain and trauma. Quite the opposite. You accept so you can heal, so you can deal, not so you can lie down and die. You are not a prisoner of your memory or your experiences, and I think there’s a power in accepting something. What does that mean? Well, to quote a question my wife once asked me: So, what are you going to do about it?

No matter your experience or your pain, odds are good that someone has been there first. I exchanged Emails with a guy named Matt Tanner, a HR professional who developed acute, chronic tinnitus after a cold. He showed me an incredible webinar by Dr. Bruce Hubbard, a psychologist who developed severe tinnitus distress after he got tinnitus. That video discusses how people deal with tinnitus and gave me a great deal of hope.

Let me take that and bring it back to you. Whatever you have gone through – whatever your pain or trauma – I am sorry. But keep in mind, odds are very, very good that your issues have been experienced before. To that end, find others who have spoken about their pain and their trauma. Ask them how they dealt, how they got through. Their advice may be invaluable and life-saving.

Third, remember, there is always something you can do. If you’ve ever read this blog before, you know what an advocate for good therapy I am. Therapy can be a life-saver in almost any instance, and I am so grateful to have someone I can talk to about my various issues – including this. I’ll add that other things can help: Exercise, meditation, or a good hobby can be incredibly valuable and have therapeutic value on their own. All of these items have something in common: They can give you a sense of control and agency. They can help you learn a growth mindset that is so critical for any sort of recovery.

Back to the title of this entry: How can you forget? You can’t. You probably can’t. Instead, you can learn. You can grow. The only way over is through.

Are suicides increasing during COVID-19?

It was a frequently used argument during the pandemic, one often used against lockdowns: Suicide rates would increase as a result of social isolation, financial hardships, and more limited access to proper medical care. This fear was repeated by medical professionals and medical health care experts. Even Donald Trump repeated the line at one point, arguing that extensive lockdowns would lead to “thousands” of suicides. So great that he and so many others suddenly care about mental health when they spent years defunding services that would prevent suicide and trying to rip health care away from millions, but that’s a completely different story, so let’s move on, let’s move on.

We’re about four months into some of the various lock-downs and quarantines. The question is obvious: What does the data say? Are suicide rates on the rise?

It seems like its too early to tell. We will only be able to more definitively tell the numbers when the annual suicide numbers come out at the beginning of the year, and even then, it will be extremely difficult to determine the cause of the suicide. However, there is some evidence to indicate that things are not as bad as many of us feared they would be – though that could very, very easily change.

First, let’s look at what data is available and what data has been misleading. At the beginning of the pandemic, a doctor said that his California hospital had seen “a year’s worth of suicide attempts” during a four-week period. That report was utterly debunked: Numbers had barely increased at the hospital in question, and locals reported that they believed the local rate had remained stable in the area.

Apparently, calls to some suicide hotlines have increased. Outreach to suicide prevention text lines has increased as well. However, this may not be a bad thing, as it may be a reflection of people turning to the closest support line to get help. Indeed, if these hotlines are working, the increase in calls may be a good thing. Again, unfortunately, there’s no evidence to say one way or the other.

I couldn’t find any hard data discussing whether or not there was any evidence of suicide rate increases in the United States – if someone has that, please correct me. However, I did find evidence that suicide rates have actually dropped 20% in Germany. This is a preliminary finding, so it is likely too early to draw hard conclusions from it.

There is no question that COVID-19 will cause a massive spike in a wide array of social problems, and suicide would certainly seem to be one of these problems. However, as noted by many articles on the subject, it’s more nuanced than simply saying that “The lockdowns led to more deaths.” The pandemic also ripped apart the economy, threw us into a recession, and maybe a depression. There is clear evidence that down economies lead to higher rates of mental illness and suicide. As such, it is difficult to say that lockdowns lead to suicides. It is much more complex than that.

So, what’s the conclusion? There’s no conclusion. Not yet. Time will tell. But, more importantly, policymakers and the community at large must continue to work to mitigate the economic and social impacts of COVID – particularly on the mentally ill. I’m hoping to be able to work on that one over the summer.

Doom Scrolling: What It Is and Why It’s So Dangerous

I think it was at the height of the George Floyd riots (not protests, riots, and I do mean those two differently) that it really hit me. Dozens of cities were burning across the nation, the fire started by the murder of George Floyd. The kids were in bed, and I could not stop looking at Twitter, loading new tweets, reporting whatever horrendously depressing piece of information I learned to my wife, and then letting the cycle repeat itself over and over and over again.

I slept like crap that night. And for the next three.

Finally, at some point, it hit me: What the hell was I doing? Yes, staying informed is important, but this was insane. No good came of me cycling over and over through the battlefield that our news had become. Twitter was horrendous. Facebook was toxic. I needed to put down the damn phone.

I was Doom Scrolling.

Doom Scrolling is when you are staring at your phone, refreshing a social media feed, consciously or subconsciously looking for more bad news. It usually happens late at night, when you turn on your phone to unwind and relax…and instead become convinced that the world is on fire and that you will never get a peaceful night’s sleep again.

Looking at your iPhone late at night is bad enough for your ability to get some sleep, but Doom Scrolling is pretty much the worst thing you can do with your phone before bed, short of trying to eat the damn thing. But the problem with Doom Scrolling is what it does to your mind: It excites it, it terrifies it, it makes you feel sad and afraid. It also revs up your mind at a time you are trying to slow it down and get some rest.

All of these emotions are obviously not conducive to getting a decent night of sleep, and in turn, you wake up feeling sad, anxious, and depressed. This can turn into a bitter cycle.

Stopping Doom Scrolling is important to your mental health. It is difficult, but we have to find a way to do it.

How? Some thoughts.

  • Physically separate from your phone: Yes, that. It can be hard. It may make you twitch. But put your phone somewhere else. Charge it on the other side of the room. Give it to a supportive partner (who probably hates how much time you spend on it, anyway). Set a hard stop: No more phone use after Xpm. Just…go away from it.
  • Monitor your social media habits otherwise: Doom Scrolling happens because we have developed habits that push us towards using our phones anyway. Doom Scrolling is easier to stop when we monitor our social habits to begin with, then avoid staring at our phones at a moment where our minds are already primed to look for the bad news. We all know what it’s like – disappearing down the Scroll Hole. Looking at your phone for so long that you forgot why you started to begin with. Don’t be that person. Develop the habits to stop looking at your phone so much to begin with.
  • Set a time limit: Say you really do want to look at your phone and watch for the news. Maybe you, like me, enjoy being plugged into society and find value in it. That is a totally understandable reflex, and our phones have been unquestionably helpful at building a more connected world…indeed, many of us never would have become as a way of the problems people of color face at the hands of elements of law enforcement, to begin with, were it not for our phones. So, allow yourself ten minutes. Physically set a timer. Scroll for ten. And when your phone rings, be done.

You’ll notice a theme: Some of the pieces of advice that I give are more physical than psychological. That’s because Doom Scrolling is a reaction to the terror around us. I’ve repeatedly tried to note that individual psychology cannot be separated from the real world, and at moments of terror or anxiety, we all become depressed. Our phones just give that an outlet, hence the Doom Scrolling.

And one more thing. Don’t berate yourself for Doom Scrolling. It happens, and it’s okay. You’re not weak. You’re human and normal. We all want to feel connected, even to a world that feels broken. For better or for worse, our phones give us that opportunity.

How much is Doom Scrolling an issue for you? Have you found any tricks that can help you stop it? Let us know in the comments!

EDIT: More Resources! Here is a great article on the topic from Choosing Therapy.

The Depression & Anxiety of Racism

Last week, I wrote a bit about the Black Lives Matters movement and the incredible stress and strain that racism is causing people of color. This is a topic that I really think demands further exploration.

First, I mentioned it last week, but check this article out in more depth. Rates of anxiety and depression spiked, hard, for African & Asian Americans in the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder. Among African Americans, positive screenings for these disorders rose from 36% to 41%, while they increased from 28% to 34% among Asian Americans. Those are all significant increases.

Interestingly enough, it did not increase for members of the Hispanic population. I’d be curious to better understand why that is the case, but that’s for another day.

Tragically, the reason we have this data is because the federal government was attempting to track the impacts of COVID-19 on minority populations, which, as we know, has been hit particularly hard by this pandemic. One tragedy upon another.

If these findings are accurate and representative of the increasing rates of mental illness among the general public, it means that at least two million more people experienced mental illness as the result of the murder of George Floyd. These are horrifying numbers, but they really aren’t all that surprising.

We know, definitively, that external forces can increase rates of mental illness. Depression, anxiety, and suicide all rise in times of economic turmoil and it makes tragic sense that a group of people who are under perpetual attack at an individual and societal level would experience rising rates of mental illness when a horrific video showed a slow-motion murder.

What does this mean? Again, the good news…such as it is…is that we, as a society, are having a larger conversation about systemic racism. I worry that too much of the conversation has focused on police brutality and criminal justice reform. That is important, no question, and its the primary issue in front of us at the moment. However, we cannot lose sight of the impact that centuries of racism have had on countless other areas of life.

One of those must be mental health.

As a white man, I cannot personally understand the impact of racism on mental health. But the literature and personal experience of countless people of color are clear. Racism means lost opportunities. It means personal pain and lives destroyed. It also means the trauma of watching countless people who look and act like you being gunned down by the men and women who are supposed to protect you.

What’s my point of this entry? The article above proves it: Police brutality and systemic racism mean depression. They mean mental health. And as we have a conversation about what Black Lives Matters means, we cannot forget this vitally important component of addressing and ending systemic racism.

COVID-19, Mental Health and Black Lives Matter

Hey, everyone!

First, I apologize. My blog entries have obviously been spotty for the past few months. There is a reason for that: The real world. Simply put, my job as State Representative became too overwhelming. This, along with other responsibilities, made it really difficult for me to blog. I am sorry and I will try to get back into my twice a week habit now.

So, let’s get right to it. Every one of us has been following the murder of George Floyd and the subsequent explosion of the Black Lives Matters movement. If you read my blog, I’m guessing you are at least somewhat progressively orientated. That probably means you are shocked and horrified at the current state of the world, and want to do something to make it better.

As a white man, I can’t sit here and yammer on about what the Black Lives Matter movement means. I represent a district that is about 1/2 minorities and work with dozens of other elected officials who are people of color, and I’ve tried to learn from their experiences to figure out not only how to do my job better, but how to be a better person.

From my perspective, acknowledging those limitations, I’ve come to the conclusion that we scream Black Lives Matter because society has decided for centuries that they don’t. That we scream Black Lives Matter at the top of our lungs because the communities of color have been devastated, destroyed, and degraded for centuries in a way that white people cannot begin to fathom.

To the casual observer, I think it gets too easy to assume that the entire Black Lives Matter movement only revolves around police reform and criminal justice. As best I can tell, that isn’t only the case. Black Lives Matter, at least to me, means that we address all of the systemic inequities in our society. That means addressing countless areas of our public policy, including education, urban planning, economic development, health care access and more.

It also, unquestionably, means mental health. I’ve written on this topic before, but even the briefest of looks at Google shows the enormous disparity facing the minority communities when it comes to mental health. Furthermore, new studies show that that levels of anxiety and depression spiked among the African American population after the murder of George Floyd. As if their burden wasn’t already enough to shoulder.

All this brings me back to COVID. I wrote a line in Redemption that I barely even thought about until a reviewer flagged it: “When civilization collapses, it doesn’t collapse evenly.” COVID has taught us that, hasn’t it? Obviously, civilization isn’t collapsing, but boy has it taken some hits.

And those hits have not been evenly distributed.

Just take a look at how COVID has hit minority communities. The evidence is painfully clear: According to the CDC, minority communities in general – and the African American community specifically – are more likely to contract COVID, be hospitalized as a result of COVID, and die from COVID. This isn’t a result of any genetic challenges. Instead, its a result of systematic discrimination that has resulted in years of poor health care access in general, substandard living conditions and worse health.

When civilization collapses, it won’t collapse evenly.

What’s my point? Pretty obvious. I think most of us agree with the statement that Black Lvies Matter. That means we have to act like it. It means our policy has to reflect those values, and that must be carried out in the way that we discuss all aspects of public policy. Mental health must be part of that equation.

The Importance of Routine – Especially Now

My buddies in Harrisburg constantly make fun of me.

There are many reasons for this: My obvious good looks, my undeniable charm and my searing insight into local politics…okay none of those are true, but this is a tough time, let me pretend, okay?

No, there’s actually one reason in particular that they make fun of me that I wanted to talk about today, and I wanted to touch on it to discuss why it’s even more important, particularly now. My friends in Harrisburg make fun of me because I am an old man. I go to bed early. I HATE being out late. If we’re at a dinner or something, and it goes later than 8pm, I’m cranky.

Why? I have a routine. I like to be back in my hotel room by 8pm or so. I spend the time getting myself set up for the next day. I iron my shirt, load my gym bag. Then I spend an hour or so putzing around on the computer or reading, finishing up Emails. Around 10pm, I take a shower. By 1030, if not earlier, I like to be in bed.

My alarm is set for like 530am the next morning. I wake up, stumble around my hotel, climb into my car and head to the gym in the Capitol building. I work out, starting around 615 or so. Done by 715, shower and dressed by 745, grab breakfast and start my day.

Okay. Why the hell do you care about my evening and morning routine?

I mention it to make a point. I hate being away from my home and my family. Absolutely, positively hate it. That being said, when it comes to Harrisburg, more often than not, I’m in a hotel room at the end of the day. I’m about 90 minutes from home, so if we have a late-night or early morning, its just not worth getting in my car and going home.

So, for a guy with anxiety and depression issues, spending a lot of time away from home and the family that I love can be a challenge, and yes, it can be anxiety-producing. I’m probably in a hotel 50-70 nights a year (well, that will change this year for sure, but that’s another story).

One of the ways I have found to cope with it? I have a routine. And I mean a SET ROUTINE that I absolutely despise breaking and do not do so under virtually any circumstances. This routine absolutely, positively helps keep me grounded and focused. It is unquestionably a way to fight off my anxiety. It also has an added benefit: It keeps me prepared and set for the day in Harrisburg – days which are, incidentally, insanely busy. I frequently liken session days to bouncing around like a pinball.

Anyway, this entry is Corona related. How and why? Well, we’ve been indoors for a month now, and for many of us, we probably still have some time to go. If you are one of the lucky ones who is healthy and well, and able to stay in your home, your normal routine has probably been shot to hell. You’re now working from home, doing things you never thought possible from the comfort of your living room, trying to manage your kids’ education, worry about family and friends, etc.

There is a reason we all have routines. They are comforting and save your body invaluable decision-making energy. I get it – quarantine means we can back off of the things that keep us tied to the normal world, right? Sure, if that’s what you want. But understand that there is going to be quite a bit of anxiety associated with that.

The best thing I can advise? Find a routine, and stick to it. Develop the discipline to find things that keep you healthy and well. Set an alarm and get up at the same time. Dedicate X hours a day to doing Y. Go to bed at the same time. If you are working from home, develop a habit that signifies you’re done with work (change out of jeans and into sweatpants, go for a walk, whatever).

Routines help. And they help even more now at moments where we are cut off from so much that we know and love. Find a routine for yourself, and stick with it. Even now. Especially now.

What Do You Look Forward To?

Like everyone, the Schlossberg family has just had a grand ole time with adjusting to quarantine life. I’ve been legislating from my office, voting on bills from my bedroom, and trying to help desperate individuals try to access government benefits like unemployment. Brenna is trying to adjust to online teaching and constantly worries about her students or whether or not they are safe, eating well and being cared for. The kids are doing better than us, mostly, but Lord knows they miss their friends and their school lives. I’m just grateful they aren’t older and haven’t quite lost the idea that this is just an adventure with the family.

Life is hard. It’s hard for all of us, and you don’t need me to tell you that. And let me acknowledge again, I have it a hell of a lot better than many. Brenna, the kids and I are safe and healthy. We have food. We have shelter and we face no immediate economic thread as a result of this. There are so many people in worse shape than us. I don’t say that to devalue our pain or that of others, but to acknowledge that we have good fortune that others don’t.

But, I want to take a second to share a piece of advice that I have found incredibly useful as the days drag on, and this goes for everyone, no matter what your circumstances or levels of comfort are.

Every day, when the kids go to bed, I have a huge piece of cheesecake. I mean, we’re talking a piece of cheesecake the size of my head. It’s cherry cheesecake and from the Amish Bakery at the Allentown Farmer’s Market. Yes, I’d like several pieces, right now. Cheesecake and a big glass of milk.

Why am I writing about this on a blog about mental health?

I didn’t mean to do it, but at some point, I realized that the cheesecake became something I’d look forward to towards the end of the day. A goal. A point of relaxation. Like many of you, the lines between my work and professional life have always been relatively blurred, but even more so now that my home is also my office. The cheesecake was the ultimate sign of relaxation for me. It became something I’d look forward to. A nightly ritual I could enjoy that marked the end of the day.

At moments I was stressed, anxious or tired, I’d say to myself, “Just keep going. There’s cheesecake at the end of the day.”

This is probably useful for more than just a pandemic, but I have absolutely found that setting a ritual, adhering to that ritual, and enjoying that ritual can be very useful during the more stressful moments of a day. It gives me something to strive to – a little treat. It doesn’t have to be much. It doesn’t have to be cheesecake. But I have absolutely found that giving myself a pleasant reward at the end of a stressful day can make a world of difference.

So, that’s my advice to you. Set a goal. Stick to it. And find what works for you.

Have a wonderful day, everyone. Take care of yourselves and each other!

Remember this is a special moment – and go easy on yourself

Of all the things I’ve said since this stupid thing began – and I’ve said a lot – this is the one that stays with me. It’s something I said to my kids and then got quoted by a reporter. It occurred in the one time I’ve been to Harrisburg since the pandemic began, and that was for changing the House rules to allow for remote voting.

In the article, I was voting from my office and being interviewed by a reporter. I was just musing over the incredible strangeness of the entire situation, and I said:

This is so bizzare. I went for a walk with my kids the other day and I said, ‘I want you kids to remember this because I know it’s strange and scary. But one, we’re going to get through it, and two, your kids and grandkids will ask you what was it like to live through the coronavirus pandemic.’

I had said it to my kids the day before and I meant every word. I was trying to make sure my kids – 8 and 7 – understood the incredible uniqueness of the situation. None of us have ever lived through anything like this before. When we saw a deadly plague in some fiction book, it was quick and brutal. Not…locked in your house.

But, as has been noted by many people smarter than me, this time period is incredibly frightening. Even for those of us who are lucky enough to still be employed, it is stressful and anxiety-inducing. And it’s causing incredible stress and feelings of inadequacy. For example. Common thoughts and fears:

  • I’m stuck in my house – why am feeling so much pressure?
  • How am I going to educate my kids and do my job?
  • What happens if I get sick?
  • I can’t adjust to working this way!

An example? My poor wife (I am sharing this with her permission). She has been very (and understandably) stressed about teaching. She teaches in my local school district and switching the way you teach – in a time-pressure way, when you haven’t been trained until a few weeks ago – is awful. She is nervous about doing a good job and reaching her students appropriately.

I have said to her the same thing I’ll now say to all of you: You do the best you can. I have lost tons of sleep worrying about family, friends, and constituents. We all have. I think the best thing we can do is acknowledge that this is a special moment. Are our kids going to be okay? Yeah, most likely, they will. Will they be behind in school? I mean, compared to where they would have been in a world where some guy didn’t interact with a bat or something, yes. But compared to other kids? Probably not! And even if they are: That’s okay!

People. This is a literal plague. It is a life-taking, economy-wrecking, socially-life-destroying plague. You don’t have to write the next great American novel. You don’t have to start a new instrument, clean your house from top to bottom or personally reshingle your roof. You can just get through it, and that’s more than enough.

Acknowledge that this is a specially painful moment. And don’t judge yourself too harshly.