The futility of gratitude – and why it’s so important

I had an interesting realization in therapy the other day, and it led to this blog entry. Stay with me for a second.

My therapist and I were talking about trying to change my mindset from both a depression and anxiety perspective. I think a great deal of anxiety comes from a fear of “not being able to handle” any given situation – be that going to school, work, travel, whatever. I’m not quite sure what “not being able to handle” means, save for turning into a blubbering ball of sad and fear, but whatever. Now, by and large, that’s a silly fear. There’s no such thing – not really – as “not being able to handle” something. Sure, there are some life events and experiences that go better than others, but short of dying, you get through life.

This sort of fear in stressful situations can manifest itself in many ways. One of them is that it causes a shift in mindset. You no longer engage in new experiences to enjoy them or learn from them – instead, you do so in order to say “I survived” them. This mindset can be damning for so many reasons. You start an experience not looking to enjoy it, but to get through it. This kind of bunker-mentality can absolutely destroy your ability to get any joy. To try new things. To adventure or gain new experience. Indeed, it makes you afraid, and it makes you far less willing to be adventurous. You live in a constant state of looking over your shoulder, wondering when the anxiety attack will hit. Wondering when you will get cripplingly sad. Wondering what goes wrong next.

This way of thinking, of living – survival versus gratitude – can be absolutely crippling. And it leads me to the point of today’s entry: I don’t want to just survive. I want to thrive. I want to learn and to live. Don’t you?

How do you do that? Hahaha, yeah come on, you know I don’t have an answer. I only have a piece of one. That’s this: Try to change the way you approach new situations. Approach them from a perspective of gratitude and gaining new experience. Instead of entering an anxiety-provoking situation from the perspective of, “Oh, God, how am I gonna get through this?” ask yourself, “Okay, what can I learn from this?” or better yet, “How can I be grateful for this experience?”

Now, I titled this entry, “The futility of gratitude” because I am not an idiot. When you are depressed or anxious and someone tells you to “Be grateful,” you probably want to punch that person in the face. Grateful? For the crippling fear and sadness? That’s madness.

But, that’s exactly why it’s so important.

The only way to break anxiety and depression is to change the way you think. The way you process thoughts and emotions. And the only way to do that is to shift your mindset. So, just try this. Try, every now and then, asking yourself this question: “How am I learning from this new and difficult situation?” or “What can whatever I am experiencing right now teach me so I don’t encounter these problems in the future?” Fear is only crippling is it denies you the chance to grow, to learn. And there’s no such thing as an experience you can’t handle.

So, try to ask yourself that. Try to ask yourself what you can be grateful for. What you can learn. Shift your mind, and maybe you can shift your emotions too.