Category: Holidays

Four tips on how to cope with Zoomsgiving

Ahh, Thanksgiving, time to…yeah, this sucks. No two ways about it.

Experts have all but begged us to skip traditional Thanksgiving with our families this year, noting that the prospect of massive gathers from people that come from numerous communities is a perfect caldron to allow for (even more) explosive growth of COVID-19. There’s no question that Thanksgiving has the potential to be deadly for hundreds of thousands of Americans, as we’ve seen with every holiday since COVID-19 began.

Need further proof of the danger that Thanksgiving presents to all of us? Just look at what happened in Canada. Canadian Thanksgiving is October 11. Experts there begged Canadians to skip their usual holiday. Many listened. Many did not. The result: Massive spikes.

Okay, fine, you get it. We have to skip our usual Thanksgiving this year and turn another life event digital. God, this sucks. I mean, let’s all be clear about it. This sucks. So, how do you cope? Some thoughts.

First, yeah, we’re all tired of Zoom…but it’s better than nothing. To their infinite credit, Zoom is waving their forty minute limit on free calls in an effort to get people to stay home. Yes, of course this is marketing, but let’s give credit where credit is due, it’s a good move. I’d even go one step further if you are truly worried about Thanksgiving: Get your damn laptop and put the person who is missing in the seat where they would normally be. Want to really sell the illusion to yourself or your kids? Set a place setting. Does it sound silly? Sure. Who gives a damn. We’re eight months into a flipping pandemic. Go to town. Do you. All that matters on this one is that you and your family feel good.

Second, if you’re going to sell the illusion of togetherness, do it. Arrange the Zoom call and make sure your family is eating at the same time. If they are close by, do what my wife is doing: Make a “care package” meal for the family, and have them pick it up (outside, while wearing a mask). Eat at the same time. It’s not the same. Of course, it’s not the same. But again – we’re so blessed when you get right down to it. We have the ability to be together, even if we cannot actually be together. Can you imagine if this happened in 2000? Even 2010?

Third, start a new tradition. What works for you? How can you celebrate without truly being with all of your family? What event can you do together that will make the day more special, even if you aren’t in the same room? I’d add one twist to this: Whatever your new tradition is, be it a game, movie, special walk – make it something expandable. Remember, God willing, this will have passed by next year. What can you do that you can incorporate your family into when we’re all together again next year?

Fourth, practice some self-care – and maybe “us” care. This sucks. Don’t pretend it doesn’t. If you have kids who desperately want to hug Grandma and Grandpa (sigh), let them feel their pain. Don’t tell them nothing is wrong – allow them to express their feelings and their pain. From there, take care of them. Help them work through their pain, and then do something nice together. My wife has introduced our kids to “spa baths” where they get a bath, but with bubbles, candles, and spa music – and then I have to put a damn towel in the drier so they have warm towels…anyway, it’s a nice touch. But do something nice for yourself and your loved ones.

I get it…I really do. We’re all so, so tired. But, again, we’re blessed…there’s light at the end of the tunnel. We have to get through this tough winter, and a better day is likely ahead.

Mental Heath & The Holidays

This entry originally appeared in November 2017, and for Thanksgiving, but I think the lessons certainly still apply. To all who celebrate, Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!

—-

Gobble gobble!

Now that the obligatory greeting is out of the way, here’s another: Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope that, for whatever struggles you are currently enduring, you are able to find a way to be grateful for all that you do have.

The holidays can be a stressful time, particularly for those who suffer from mental health issues.  This interesting article from Healthline notes two very accurate reasons for depression during this time period:

  • Social isolation, particularly during the holiday season, and particular if you actually don’t have the opportunity to spend time with friends and family.
  • Grieving.  The holidays can be very difficult for those who have lost someone, even more so if that death is a recent one.  After all, since the holidays are usually associated with spending time with people you love.  As such, the loss of those who you are close with can make the pain of the holidays feel virtually unbearable.

This story from a 2014 Huffington Post article adds some additional insight:

  • People tend to set unrealistic expectations for their social interaction and what they can accomplish during the Holidays (pro-tip: You aren’t Martha Stewart).
  • People try to do too much.
  • “Comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides,” particularly thanks to social media (YES this a thousand times!).

That being said, I may as well take this opportunity to dispel a suicide-related myth: Contrary to popular belief, suicides do not increase during the holidays.  In fact, they actually decrease.

On a personal level, I was always relatively okay during the holidaus, even at my most depressed points, though there were some rough patches.  Thanksgiving and Christmas were always nice, but, randomly, what always got me was the 4th of July.  It’s supposed to be a fun, relaxed holiday, but somehow, I always spent it alone, or frequently with people who I didn’t really like and made me feel alone.  There’s something about holidays that can just make you feel like a loser…like, you are supposed to be having fun and aren’t.  Isn’t that the worst?

So, how do you survive?  Some thoughts:

  • First and foremost, don’t even think about talking about Donald Trump.
  • Stay.  The.  Hell.  Off.  Of.  Facebook.  Seriously.  As I’ve discussed previously, social media can be really bad for your mental health, and this can be particularly true for moments when you are already vulnerable from a mental health perspective.  For your own sanity, limit your time on social media.  It will be way, way too easy to, as the note above says, “compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”
  • It’s Thanksgiving.  Try to be as thankful as you can be.  That’s easier said, than done, of course.  But, to the extent that you are able, think about it.  If you are reading this blog, you have internet access, which is better than the more than three billion people who don’t have internet access. That likely means you live in the developed world, which means you have access to food, clean drinking water, modern sanitation systems and decent medical care.  It’s not much, but try to remember – odds are, you have it better than billions of people across the planet.  That has to count for something.  Challenge yourself to shift your perspective; yeah, you have the racist uncle sitting two seats down, and he’s had one to many Coors, but odds are still better you have it better than billions.
  • Remember – if you are able – actually relax!  The holidays were designed for unwinding.  Need a break?  Take it.  The damn turkey can wait.  You’re more important.
  • If you are someone (like me) who values routine, don’t let the holidays knock you off of it.  I’m still going to the gym.  I’m still gonna go to sleep and wake up at my usual times.  I’d recommend the same for anyone else.

This isn’t much – and it may be woefully inadequate for what you are facing, that I completely understand – but hopefully these little tips can help make your holiday a little better.

Happy holidays, readers!  I am thankful for many things in my life, and that certainly includes those of you who keep coming back to read what I have to say.  I hope you have a great holiday season, and a very happy Thanksgiving!

Mental health and the holidays

Gobble gobble!

Now that the obligatory greeting is out of the way, here’s another: Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope that, for whatever struggles you are currently enduring, you are able to find a way to be grateful for all that you do have.

The holidays can be a stressful time, particularly for those who suffer from mental health issues.  This interesting article from Healthline notes two very accurate reasons for depression during this time period:

  • Social isolation, particularly during the holiday season, and particular if you actually don’t have the opportunity to spend time with friends and family.
  • Grieving.  The holidays can be very difficult for those who have lost someone, even more so if that death is a recent one.  After all, since the holidays are usually associated with spending time with people you love.  As such, the loss of those who you are close with can make the pain of the holidays feel virtually unbearable.

This story from a 2014 Huffington Post article adds some additional insight:

  • People tend to set unrealistic expectations for their social interaction and what they can accomplish during the Holidays (pro-tip: You aren’t Martha Stewart).
  • People try to do too much.
  • “Comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides,” particularly thanks to social media (YES this a thousand times!).

That being said, I may as well take this opportunity to dispel a suicide-related myth: Contrary to popular belief, suicides do not increase during the holidays.  In fact, they actually decrease.

On a personal level, I was always relatively okay during the holidaus, even at my most depressed points, though there were some rough patches.  Thanksgiving and Christmas were always nice, but, randomly, what always got me was the 4th of July.  It’s supposed to be a fun, relaxed holiday, but somehow, I always spent it alone, or frequently with people who I didn’t really like and made me feel alone.  There’s something about holidays that can just make you feel like a loser…like, you are supposed to be having fun and aren’t.  Isn’t that the worst?

So, how do you survive?  Some thoughts:

  • First and foremost, don’t even think about talking about Donald Trump.
  • Stay.  The.  Hell.  Off.  Of.  Facebook.  Seriously.  As I’ve discussed previously, social media can be really bad for your mental health, and this can be particularly true for moments when you are already vulnerable from a mental health perspective.  For your own sanity, limit your time on social media.  It will be way, way too easy to, as the note above says, “compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.”
  • It’s Thanksgiving.  Try to be as thankful as you can be.  That’s easier said, than done, of course.  But, to the extent that you are able, think about it.  If you are reading this blog, you have internet access, which is better than the more than three billion people who don’t have internet access. That likely means you live in the developed world, which means you have access to food, clean drinking water, modern sanitation systems and decent medical care.  It’s not much, but try to remember – odds are, you have it better than billions of people across the planet.  That has to count for something.  Challenge yourself to shift your perspective; yeah, you have the racist uncle sitting two seats down, and he’s had one to many Coors, but odds are still better you have it better than billions.
  • Remember – if you are able – actually relax!  The holidays were designed for unwinding.  Need a break?  Take it.  The damn turkey can wait.  You’re more important.
  • If you are someone (like me) who values routine, don’t let the holidays knock you off of it.  I’m still going to the gym.  I’m still gonna go to sleep and wake up at my usual times.  I’d recommend the same for anyone else.

This isn’t much – and it may be woefully inadequate for what you are facing, that I completely understand – but hopefully these little tips can help make your holiday a little better.

Happy holidays, readers!  I am thankful for many things in my life, and that certainly includes those of you who keep coming back to read what I have to say.  I hope you have a great holiday season, and a very happy Thanksgiving!