So, last week, I did a stupid. I went swimming with the kids and jumped into the pool. The second a did, I felt water just shoot RIGHT UP into both of my ears. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. I hopped around, I stick my finger in there, nothing. A few home remedies later, and I got the water out. And I also got tinnitus pretty bad in my left ear.
A visit to the ENT and a nice dose of steroids later, and I hope I am on the mend. Tinnitus sucks. And, not gonna lie, it’s been upsetting. Like…is this ever going to go away? How can I get past it? How can you ignore something THAT IS CONSTANT?
There is a way. Actually, the more I relax, the less I concentrate on it and the more I can just…you know, do life…I’m okay. I’ve also been trying to take some of the lessons I’ve learned in the course of my long history with mental illness and apply it to this, including, hopefully, looking at this from a growth perspective.
Okay, first. As a stereotypical male, I do not do well with physical discomfort. My wife makes fun of me cause all of my clothing is usually pretty baggy. But seriously, even the slightest physical discomfort and I have big problems. Kind of funny, considering I’ve done okay in the mental resiliency front, but I digress.
Anyway, this has been a struggle. I can’t lie. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about the ringing, a lot of guilt that I basically accidented and then stupided myself into this, and just a lot of stress.
I’ve tried to deal with that in a couple of ways. First and foremost: In a sense, this bit about tinnitus is very similar to fighting anxiety. Yes, that’s an accurate statement. Tinnitus is aggravated by stress and anxiety. If you can ignore it – which is HARD – it gets less or goes away. I’m lucky, the form I have is relatively mild, so ignoring it is not the hardest challenge in the world. But I am trying to ask myself some questions that I think are pretty important. How can I take the lessons I have learned from this stupid battle and apply them to the rest of my life? How can I learn to be more comfortable and more relaxed with physical discomfort? How can I teach myself to be okay with a silly mistake that anyone could have made?
My point, from a mental health perspective, is obvious. When you do something dumb, you are allowed to wallow in self-pity for a bit. Go ahead. Flush that stuff right out of your system. And, when you ready, start to ask yourself some questions – not just about how to deal with the immediate situation, but how to grow from it. How to take whatever mistakes you have made and transform them into lessons you can learn. I’ve tried to apply this model of post-traumatic growth to my own life, and I know I have written about it in the past as well.
Anyway, I’m trying to take this model and applying it to my own life. I’m not being as successful as I want, but I’m trying. I hope you can too.